Postingan Keduapuluh: Growing Everyday

 Bismillah.

People say you have to be better everyday. You must be better than you were yesterday, and you'll have to be better tomorrow than you are today.

I agree with that. But it took 19 years to actually try to implement it.

When I was 9 years old, I love to write my own stories. Put it on Bobo Online or my blog or write it down on my books. But I always try to keep it by myself. Yes, I do have a blog but I never tell anyone the address. I would get so furious when someone (I mean my parents, lol) wanted to read my stories without my permission.

I realize the reason why I had such behavior is because I wasn't ready to receive any critics. I wasn't ready to receive "Your writings can be better than this" kind of words. I wasn't ready to grow.

Whenever my friends finished reading my stories, I would escape as soon as they opened their mouth to give any feedback. I would run, literally (this ever happened when I was in my junior high school).

It took 19 years for me to finally open myself to the world. To finally tell everyone my blog address. To finally feel brave to ask for any feedback. To finally understand that I need to grow. I need to be a better me. And I must receive many feedback from others to do that.

At first, it was so hard not to cry or feel uneasy when I receive any critics ... even though it was delivered in a good manner. I just ... wasn't ready to open my eyes that I have many flaws. Because back then I didn't understand that it's okay to have flaws. It's okay to be weak. It's okay not to be your ideal self. It's okay not to be perfect.

Now, after many years have passed ... I've learned how to be relax when I receive feedback from others. I've learned how to not feeling unworthy when someone point out my flaws.

Because it's okay ... No matter how weak I am, no matter how imperfect I am, I still love myself. I'll embrace all my strengths and weaknesses, I'll embrace the best thing in me and the worst thing in me. I'll embrace everything, and grow little by little everyday.

I write this post after I (surprisingly) begin to get thirsty of others' feedback. I feel so proud of myself for doing that, and for growing this much. Keep up the good work, Cau <3

1 Februari 2021.